Charlotte Hatherley
Alexander (Little Sister Records)

This week's winner since it's the only puppy in the litter that isn't a bit of a runt, Alexander is spritely, wistful indie pop in the vein of the Sundays, with a tendency to veer off into vaguely proggy pastures and a nice line in faintly unnerving stalker lyrics – whoever Alexander is, he should think about changing the locks. Nothing more than superior, slightly over-egged jangle, but this week, very much a Fabergé egg perched atop a compost heap.

JLS
Everybody In Love (Sony)

It can't be easy being JLS. It certainly can't have been easy being JLS when they watched Alexandra Burke taking the passive role in a duet with Beyoncé during last year's X Factor final, and, lumbered with Westlife, realised that Simon Cowell had already decided that it was she, and not they, who was already in situ as the winner. But whatever anger they may be feeling certainly isn't channelled into this instantly forgettable, R&B-lite snooze. It sounds a bit like Blue, and the last time I checked, that's not a compliment.

The Horrors
Whole New Way (XL)

It is essential when talking about the Horrors nowadays to crowbar in a mention about how good their second album is after a rather rubbish first one, and lo and behold, I've done it here and will do it again when I get to slagging Paolo Nutini off. For all the consensus hoo-haa, however, Whole New Way is nothing much to write home about, being pretty by-the-book psychedelic goth-rock that rumbles and glowers and swells impressively towards the end, but doesn't do a whole fat lot. It sounds a bit like the Sisters Of Mercy, and that's not a compliment either.

Paolo Nutini
Pencil Full Of Lead (Atlantic)

Paolo is another chap currently enjoying Reverse Second Album Syndrome (see, I told you) to many people's ears, so it's a slight disappointment to discover that Pencil Full Of Lead is – and here's a quote for the posters – quite possibly the most annoying single of the entire 21st century. It's a psychotically jaunty, tooth-grindingly quirky pile of steaming, authentic ragtime turd, with the only thing in its favour being that the title is misleading and Paolo is not singing about his penis. An absolute Jan Moir column of a single.

Snow Patrol
Just Say Yes (Fiction)

It does not augur well for Just Say Yes that Gwen Stefani rejected the opportunity to record it – when you don't meet the exacting standards of the woman who gave the world Wind It Up, where is there left for you to go? The frightful pop harridan was right to give it a wide berth though – the Patrol's new techno sheen just makes them sound more like U2, which is the third not-a-compliment in this week's singles reviews. Recurring motifs are the new rock'n'roll, you know. Big, empty stadium toss.