Gaggle
Power Of Money (Transgressive)

This 22+ female alt choir – the stuff of Gareth Malone's wet nightmares – are as likely to divide opinion as they are unlikely to care. Channelling a primal theatricality, their chattering and hollering is the sound of a Greek chorus on a hen night. They're built for live performance, but this track, with its pagan cowbell fixing capitalism in its crosshairs, is the best translation available. Single of the week for being interesting, in a week of boredom joints that make me want to press a kettle against my face.

Enrique Iglesias
Finally Found You (Polydor/Universal Republic)

Some singers soundtrack meaningful moments in your life; others only want to soundtrack their fans falling in love with them. The holiday-pop production is cold and competent, the abs narcissism is business as usual. However, the video reveals a brave foray into unconventional demographics: the fantasy of a nine-year-old old Enrique, fixating on an older woman, whom he later finds, beds, and abandons. A Trojan anthem for stalkers.

LL Cool J
Take It (Kobalt)

The best returns are those of Novak Djokovic on a second service, high-yield mutual funds, and LL Cool J. "Don't call it a comeback," he roared in 1990; this time the below-the-belt manoeuvres are softer. But not that soft. "Sometimes I gotta give you the gift of missing me," he crows, buoyed by rippling bass, before embarking on a shag'n'brag pant-along that sounds like he recorded it while literally inside someone.

Sean Paul ft Kelly Rowland
How Deep Is Your Love? (VP/Atlantic/Columbia)

Pumped with ubiquitous trance-lite bulking agent, Sean Paul's once-fresh dutty rock is now chronically bloated. "How deep is your love?" asks classy Kelly. "You should know!" smirks Paul, his interjections peppered throughout like porcine gristle. The video makes silage while the sun shines, lovingly panning up and down a bottle of brand cognac as if it was Blake Lively's thigh. In the interest of balance I'd like it noted that I tried a glass of Rémy Martin once and didn't like it.

Dappy
Yin Yang (Island)

A true grasp of the metaphysical system of yin yang would draw on many schools of Chinese philosophy. For Dappy, the concept best describes a mixed race girl who won't have any qualms kicking him in the nuts if needs be. And who's to say he's wrong? Apart from all those ancient schools of Chinese philosophy that we just talked about.