The Pictish Trail

Wait Until (Moshi Moshi)

You could miss the beauty buried in this song, if you’re as deficient in the attention-span department as scientists keep telling us we all are. You could think the first 30 seconds are just a man in a bobble hat sampling a helicopter rotor. Or you could actually listen all the way through and realise that Wait Until doesn’t impact until past the three-minute mark, suddenly opening its doors to a gust of giddy ambient pop and Johnny Lynch’s astral vocals.

ALSO OUT THIS WEEK

Demi Lovato

Neon Lights (Hollywood)

Not sure if it’s the by-product of heavily applied Auto-Tune or a lazy digestive system, but the former Disney star’s voice sounds like it’s drowning in spit at the start of this. Luckily that’s exactly the sort of thing I’m into, and I strongly believe that moisture enhances the quality of generic Euro-EDM bangers such as this. My belief in the vocal drench is so vehement, in fact, that I’ve launched a Kickstarter campaign named Get Spit In Their Mouth – a fundraiser for parched-mouthed singers, with Chad Kroeger being one of the big-name donors so far.

Ella Henderson

Ghost (Syco)

This song is big, beautiful and doused in disco-funk guitar; yet why is it average? Well, two weeks ago I launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for ex-reality show contestants whose voices are so technically faultless that their music becomes entirely emotionally vacant. Raising support for a number of high-profile beneficiaries – Rebecca Ferguson, Sam Bailey and everyone who’s ever won The Voice – I’ve so far accrued £150, which will go towards taking acts like Ella for a cheer-up meal, somewhere fancy like Pizza Express. Two courses, one drink.

Jennifer Lopez

First Love (Capitol)

Unlike I Luh Ya Papi, a song which showed a quirky, playful side to the singer and classically trained bassoonist, there is little to say about the phoned-in First Love; a basic pop track as anticlimactic as walking into a Hollywood mansion to find only an empty hall and a tiny piece of paper with a bum drawn on it. If J-Lo really wants to nail the experience of first love she should sing about halitosis, blood blisters, restraining orders and leaky colostomy bags – stuff we can actually relate to.

Peace

Money (Columbia)

Perhaps it was prompted by their Made In Chelsea cameo, or the simple fact that making indie music is a largely unprofitable source of income unless you are Alex Turner, but the Birmingham boys’ latest is about the dirty grips of capitalist greed, set to a grimy INXS groove and a whiney Britpop chorus. In their world, “bitcoins pay for beatings”, “diamonds pay for girls” and cash is criminal. Which is true, but it can also buy you joy if used correctly. So why not spend your money on something great today and donate generously to both of my fantastic Kickstarter campaigns.