There’s only one rule for artists performing Glastonbury: play the
hits and nothing but the hits. Today’s afternoon slot at the main
stage should be a breeze for Bacharach, the man with credits on more
timeless singles than the long-drop bog seats have bacterial
infections.

His slight frame covered in a blocky gold-buttoned blazer and blue and
white striped shirt – the official uniform for wealthy fathers who own
yachts – Bacharach stands and addresses the audience throughout his
greatest-hits set, formally delivering an itinerary for the next hour as if bracing us all for the long haul.

There is little to dislike about the 87-year-old’s performance however:
the sun is blazing, the picnic carpets are covered in lazy-limbed
families who’ve plonked themselves down for the rest of the day,
bathing in the romantic, rose-tinted glow of the easy-listening king.

In a set spanning his whole career, the musician and his brassy backing
band play all the camp karaoke classics: I Say a Little Prayer, Walk
on By, (There’s) Always Something There to Remind Me, I’ll Never Fall
in Love Again, Do You Know the Way to San Jose, What’s New Pussy Cat?
and Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head – the latter of which they play
twice, presumably expecting some more appropriate weather.

Watched by the likes of Adele, Will Young and Daisy Lowe, the master
songwriter loses some of the audience in the smulchy
lounge section at the end, but if there’s one thing Saturday afternoon
at this festival needs, it’s some sweet familiarity before Kanye
polarises the Pyramid stage.