TRACK OF THE WEEK
Miguel & DJ Premier
2 Lovin U
There’s something intrinsically unlikable about Miguel. Maybe it’s the quiffs. The penchant for sunglasses indoors. The collaboration with Chris Brown, who is essentially Labyrinth’s Bog Of Eternal Stench manifested corporeally. But I defy you not to like this: a funky, bass-led sex banger a thousand times more woosome than Miguel’s default streak of plodding, over-produced R&B slop. Plus, DJ Premier inevitably scratches in it, and scratching makes any song brilliant.
DJ Khaled ft Beyoncé & Jay Z
Shining
There’s no point reviewing this because it’s got Khaled, Jay and Beyoncé in the credits so it’s obviously great. Next.
The Shins
Mildenhall
As with plane journeys and conjugal experiences, songs don’t have to surprise you in order to be lovely. This acoustic ditty has no drop. No key change. It starts, it wibbles about, then it ends. And, when it does, it will have cheered you up. Think of it as a big, fat, friendly yellow dog, which has the sense to waddle away before it ruins your time together with a foul doggy guff.
British Sea Power
Keep On Trying (Sechs Freunde)
(*Types “sechs freunde” into Google translate* *Googles “British Sea Power”*) As everyone obviously knows, “sechs freunde” means “six friends” and there are six members of British Sea Power. They’re six friends, see? Which is adorable. So, so lovely. Unfortunately, and at risk of gaining sechs neue feinde, this song – a twee, frictionless, sub-Two Door Cinema Club wasteland – is about as interesting as a backpacking holiday in Penge with a group of people with “gymming” and “parent” in their Twitter bio.
Future
Super Trapper
Right, let’s see what my mega-coolest mate Future’s got: “Bought my bitch a brand new Rollie”. Ha ha! “Bitch”, in 2017! You’re so ironic, Future. Anything else? “Saint Tropez ho/ You do whatever I say so”. Ha! Ha..? Wait. What? No, you’re still great Future. Pal. I probably misunderstood. Continue. “Ima pimp her and her sister” – erm, let me stop you there. No. That’s actually awful. I don’t care if you’ve got a Mega Drive and your mum drives a Porsche. We’re not mates any more.
