Royal Blood

Trouble’s Coming

Royal Blood are back and insisting on referring to their new single as “AC/DC meets disco”. Thankfully it’s not a Donna Summer-style cover of Highway to Hell: instead it’s a stomping, four-on-the-floor banger, like the band got really into good (new, not Mr Brightside) Killers and Daft Punk during lockdown.

Jorja Smith ft Popcaan

Come Over

“I don’t know if you want me to come over / Don’t want to ask / Really I should know better / I don’t know if you want me to come over,” muses Jorja Smith. Well, Jorja, should you go over? That depends. Are you in a local lockdown? How many people are in the household? Could you meet outside, wearing masks? Hope that helps.

Fearne Cotton, Amelia Warner & Gaba ft Helen Mirren

Lockdown Kittens Dancing

Just when you thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse, Fearne Cotton (!) is bringing out an album (!!) of “happy songs with a blissful narrative” (!!!) and the first single features Dame Helen Mirren (!!!!) reading a Fearne-penned poem (!!!!!). It’s supposedly a meditation soundtrack, but it actually sounds as if she’s reading a series of nonsensical Live Laugh Love-style inspirational quotes while off her face. “Be more dandelion!” she demands at one point. Are you … OK, Fearne?

Zayn

Better

As Katy Perry’s recent album Smile proves, coordinating your music drop to your child’s birth doesn’t guarantee chart success, but good on Zayn for releasing his new song in the same week he became a dad. Unfortunately, Better sounds as if he’s been rifling through a bin round the back of a Shawn Mendes writing session and is a complete waste of three minutes.

Bryson Tiller ft the Weeknd

Rambo (Last Blood)

It’s happened: we’ve finally run out of music. Because Bryson Tiller’s “new” song has been on SoundCloud since 2016, and is actually a remix of a 2015 album track. Consequently it’s full of extremely 2016 references, such as the Victoria’s Secret fashion show and Sanyo smart TVs. During the pandemic, there’s been concern about single-use items, so well done to Tiller for finding a way to recycle.