Sam Smith

Diamonds

Diamonds is told from inside an acrimonious breakup: the messy enmeshing of love and finances. “Take all the money you want from me … show me how little you care,” Smith snarls like Gloria Gaynor in divorce court. Smith seems to be involved in a split of their own: consciously uncoupling from naff pop-soul to now enter the most fertile period of their career.

James Blake

Godspeed

It is difficult for James Blake: an entire career spent pushing his collaborators towards the avant garde while making his own unclassifiable solo work – yet his most magical moments always come when he does a one-take cover of someone else’s song. He did it with Joni Mitchell and Nirvana, and now Frank Ocean’s Godspeed gets his tear-jerking treatment. He’s basically the post-dubstep Jane McDonald.

Justin Bieber ft Chance the Rapper

Holy

It has finally happened: the former bad boy of pop has made the full conversion to saccharine Christian rock. Is there a tambourine? Sure is. A gospel choir? You betcha. He even rhymes “star” with “altar”. But Bieber moves in mysterious ways: maybe we just have to politely nod this one through and hope he follows it up with some mould-breaking pop next. We can but pray.

Kygo & Donna Summer

Hot Stuff

The Norwegian DJ’s entire career seems to involve taking successful songs by mostly black, female and – in the case of Summer and recent “collaborator” Whitney Houston – dead artists and sticking a rancid tropical-house drum preset over the top. If you really want to know what this sounds like you could always listen to the original while hurling your head at a concrete slab to a 4/4 beat.

Keith Urban ft Pink

One Too Many

People say there’s no role for “the critic” when you can listen to any of these songs yourself on Spotify. But at least I can warn you to not listen to them at all. This is a health and safety risk: it sounds like listening to your parents trying to rekindle their romance but both are crying and one of them is Keith Urban.