Lava La Rue

Magpie

If the west London singer and rapper named this song as a nudge-wink reference to the sheer number of inspirations on display – a touch of Lily here, Portishead there, oooh! It’s Kelis! – throughout its discordantly funky runtime, then that is but one of the many fine things about it. Managing to be both a strident lesson in not taking any bullshit from chancers and a sweet love letter to London, it’s as summery as a wasp in a pint of Bulmer’s and twice as prickly. But, you know, in a good way.

Yxngxr1

Supersonic

It’s about time both the injustice of losing a Nintendo DS stylus down the sofa and the act of scaring rich people by getting a neck tattoo got the musical treatment they richly deserve. So it’s a case of two birds here with this lovably lo-fi indie-rap bimble from the Cardiff upstart who’s been ploughing a similarly affable furrow for a couple of years now.

Mette

Petrified

Kudos to whoever thought: “This song’s called Petrified, so surely the best way to visually portray that is to have Mette straddling a bloke who’s doing wheelies on a quad bike.” Presumably it was either that or three minutes of Mette standing in the queue at the Post Office near someone who is definitely about to sneeze. Somehow, that daredevilry perfectly suits Mette’s superior pop, the understated melancholy of the verses exploding into a whomping great chorus.

Bon Jovi

Story of Love

If I see that Bon Jovi have a new song out, and I decide to listen to it knowing it’s going to be a load of old cobblers, and it turns out that it is, indeed, unlistenable guff, whose fault is that? Is it Bon Jovi’s? Or is it mine, because deep down I still believe Keep the Faith is a banger, and always hope they’ll do something similar again? Don’t answer that. Because somehow – and I don’t know how – it’s actually your fault.

Weezer

All My Favorite Songs

See above. Replace “Bon Jovi” with “Weezer”. Replace “Keep the Faith” with “Say it Ain’t So”. And then leave me alone.