Justin Bieber
Yummy

There’s something about one-time child stars named Justin that makes them incapable of getting married without releasing at least one twee, innuendo-laden track that’s all about boning their wives. Justin Timberlake’s was Strawberry Bubblegum, and Justin Bieber’s is Yummy. It’ll be interesting to see what the teens make of the chorus, which has been precision-engineered for TikTok. Timberlake’s Strawberry Bubblegum came from the album that contained the pristine eight-minute pop epic Mirrors, so let’s hope Bieber’s got one of those up his sleeve too.

Travis Scott ft Rosalía and Lil Baby
Highest in the Room (Remix)

Remember when Travis Scott fell down a hole onstage at a Drake concert? This is nearly as good as that, and that was quite literally the greatest thing ever to be captured on video. A rework of an already-quite-good song that proves the theory that anything can be improved by the addition of Rosalía doing some warbly Spanish.

Hailee Steinfeld
Wrong Direction

Quite a title for a song that was released on the first day of the decade. Jeez, give us a chance, Hailee! Directioners are understandably convinced that this heart-achey piano ballad is about her ex, Niall Horan, and, if so, it doesn’t paint him in a great light. He kicked me off a picnic table in the V festival VIP section in 2012, so I’m prepared to believe his nice-guy act is all a ruse.

Baker CarterG and Hatsune Miku
Love Memories

All the real-music bores who complained about manufactured pop in the 90s should look away now. Hatsune Miku has been quite literally manufactured – she’s nothing more than a bank of voice files, farmed out to songwriters when they don’t want the bother of an actual human singer to deal with. Hence all “her” songs sound a bit like a child singing over a keyboard demo track. Love Memories, with its Pachelbel chord progression and sugary vocals jazzes things up with some machine zaps and kids-TV synths. Is it good? Is it interesting? Not sure, really.

Gabrielle Aplin and Nina Nesbitt
Miss You 2

A very pleasant song from one-time John Lewis ad singer Gabrielle Aplin and Jess Glynne support act Nina Nesbitt. It’s a remixed version of Aplin’s 2016 song Miss You, which I’m not sure anyone was really clamouring for but there you go – always here for fewer trop-house undertones and more Corrs-y nananas.