Lauren Aquilina

The Knife

As the UK gets back to normal – and by normal, we mean dividing into “organised people who booked a table at the pub” and “disorganised people annoyed at having to book” – the question is: are you emotionally prepared? Are you ready for the first time you hear a pop song that’s both euphoric and full of bitter hatred, loudly? The Knife should come with a warning: may cause public weeping.

Paris Texas

FORCE OF HABIT

LA rap duo Paris Texas are now three for three when it comes to single releases – first two tracks SITUATIONS and HEAVY METAL were crunchy, brooding bangers, and FORCE OF HABIT is exactly as aggressive as the all-caps title suggests, with Louie Pastel and Felix’s deadpan delivery boasting they’ll both murder you and shag your girlfriend over a funk bassline and stiff post-punk drums. Unsettling, but in a good way.

The Offspring

We Never Have Sex Anymore

No, you haven’t fallen asleep and woken up in 1994; the Offspring have actually released a swing song about a girlfriend who doesn’t want to “roll around on the floor”, but does “always leave dinner on the stove”, in 2021. Come for the casual sexism, stay for the worst lyric in a very competitive week: “If you won’t violate me / Will you at least aggravate me?”

Finn Askew

Cherry Bomb

When was the first time you felt really old? For me it was when the 19-year-old singer-songwriter Finn Askew described his new song Cherry Bomb as “such a mazza” and I had to Google it, only to find it means “a madness”? It’s a gorgeous, Troye Sivan-style dreamy love song, but is it a mazza? Who knows! Ask someone under 21!

Dappy

Wounds

Dappy is back! You remember him: slim bloke, always wore a hat, said “na na niiii” on every single N-Dubz song. Wounds is a weak attempt at a drill track, with lyrics boasting about guns, big spending and – paging the Offspring – telling his girlfriend to clean his kitchen before promising to “season her up from her batty to her breast”. Stomach-turning.